[....Yeah, let's go with that. Make it an analogy party up in here. Meanwhile Obi-Wan takes back said repeatedly vomited money with a patient sort of bemusement...]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Ah, I see. This is also true, if one looks at it like that. And with this being said...then, do you regret making your decision so quickly after all, in retrospect?
[Not that he's touching that second bit anymore, though. Obi-Wan wouldn't agree it's a good way of looking back at Anakin--it's more like the flat truth. That are no apologies that could be truly made for the deeds of Darth Vader.
But well, no need to specify that or anything....it's for the better.]
its complicated i guess. i dont know im not used to this shit
[Which is, in truth, a tacit way of avoiding the weight of the question. She likes talking about this with Obi-Wan-- it's strangely calming, in an awful, painful sort of way-- but she doesn't want to think about the twisted truths of what she just did to herself. She knows the facts; the impact of the event, on the other hand, still seems nebulous, hanging eerily in the air. Fiona isn't eager to pull it down and become crushed by the weight of it.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Well, I'd be surprised if you were! I can't imagine there are very many people that are particularly used to dying and returning.
[Translation: he notices. Not that it's terribly difficult, nor particularly surprising--if anything, the avoidance is quite understandable, and Obi-Wan supposes he ought to reprimand himself a bit for demanding such weight so suddenly. Not everyone here has been fresh from fighting a nebulous war for three years; not everyone here is a fellow Jedi, and it's a thought that aches but must be held onto firmly. That ought not be forgotten.
But he wants to help, too, if there's any way he possibly can. Bone-deep obligation, and in a way that would be a consolation to him in itself--that perhaps he might be able to give someone else out there just a little more direction, despite not being able to do the same for himself. (He's never been very good with communicating about these things, doubtless to the surprise of many. He's only realized this distressingly recently. But working on it is very difficult.)]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org But that does make sense, to me at least. Not being there for those that might need you, when you could have been, and it was your own fault that you weren't--might it be something along those lines? [Isn't that a familiar feeling? But this conversation is no place for relinquishing all of his regrets outright. Pinning it down is enough.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org That's only an expected kind of burden, to come from a choice like this. To be quite honest with you...I suppose I also feel rather the same, at the moment.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Thinking about what might have been, if I'd not returned after all. ...I put a lot at stake back home, for this test. And even now I still wonder if it was the wisest choice.
[Pause.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org But I also don't think there will be any second chances like this again, in the future. We will simply have to take what we can, from this experience.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Certainly something to keep in mind, isn't it? That they might ask us again. ...But yes, I think I agree with you there. My master always told me there is no such thing as an absolute.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org The universe of possibility is simply far too great for there to ever be only two options--there is always a third, somewhere out there. If only one knows where to look.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org He was far better at that than I. I'm not nearly so good at finding the thirds yet...and I couldn't this time. But now we have quite a bit more time, maybe. And a better idea of what to expect.
[Fiona might be assuming, but in this case she does assume right--or well, at the very least, this entire process has not been the most pleasant experience. There's room for improvement, and questioning, and he does fully intend to seek out both in time. And helping fellow blues along the way if he can, Fiona included--that's just as much of an obligation.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org What we can take from this, I think, is that CDC has capabilities well past expectation. Also, that they have very high demands for the position and trust of leadership.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Whether we should entirely divulge our trust to them, because of this? Well, that would depend on the individual, I think. But we do know what their standards are now. Perhaps we can begin preparing, for future occasions.
[It's the closest thing Fiona will get to speaking in code. She has no understanding of espionage or subterfuge beyond movies and tv shows, but she knows, from endless grueling jobs where she was never trusted, the warning signs of being watched. If someone gives you a toy, you better be careful what you do with it.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
there r always lots of options but theres only so many options u can stand u know? no 1 can have it all
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
what do u mean ur master? u werent a slave right?
[Um.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u dont have to answer that im sorry
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
their standards r everything but they say they can give us everything back if we r good
[The deal's too sweet for Fiona's tastes, but she doesn't say it. They make great blackglasses.]
[Ah...not really a bad shot at code at all, everything considered. He'd almost compliment the attempt, but well--that would be giving things away, now wouldn't it?
Funny things, codes.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Their comm devices are indeed pretty impressive, this is true! They don't come so sleek back home, in such wide distributions as this. Though the visual feeds are still rather wanting.
[Is that also code or is that another statement...maybe one of the above. Maybe a little bit of both.
But oh, what--oh--]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org Slave? Oh, goodness no! I meant--well, I suppose the term can be easy to mistake like that...no need to apologize. But for Jedi, masters are teachers; a term of respect, as it were. My master was Qui-Gon Jinn.
[CLEARING THAT UP A BIT...HASTILY.....he still forgets, how not everyone is at least vaguely familiar with Jedi ways here. Something else to keep better track of, he supposes.
Anyway.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org But you're right--a single person surely can't carry out all the options possible. Once one is picked the others must go to the wayside, after all. It's the selection you perceive that matters most, I think. If you don't think it's an option, it surely won't be.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org And oh, do they indeed promise anything? I never really got a rundown on an actual offer directly...not terribly surprising, though. I suppose some might think death to be quite worth the exchange.
[Benefits of text: tone is a bit more difficult to pick out, and easy to interpret in different ways--enough so to be a code in itself, in a way. He might be genuinely musing, he might be sarcastic; but it's impossible to really tell. Not to worry, Fiona, we'll show you how to make this an artform yet.]
[Fiona is a tactile learner, with a dash of visual; everything has to be seen and touched, owned and re-purposed in her own hand. This is the best way to learn, though she's never really thought about it herself. She's talked to Obi-Wan, and he's not that dumb, and then she thinks about what she knows she just did, and...]
[Hm.]
[It's probably nothing.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
shit sorry. that makes more sense. he taught u everything?
[Fiona takes a moment to envision something that looks suspiciously like the set of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u really believe in that follow ur heart stuff?
[And then the communication goes odd again, and she puzzles at it. She reads it twice, three times before she can pick out the meaning, abstractly diagramming the sentence out for pieces of meaning.]
[...She's making this up in her head, she's tired and she's being silly.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i thought they promised everybody something. i wouldnt b surprised if they promised somebody death
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org No need to apologize, it's true I didn't specify. I forget...but well, yes. Maybe not everything, but certainly a lot of things. A far better teacher than I could ever hope to be.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org 'Follow my heart stuff'? Well, I'm not so sure about that, but one must certainly have a great deal of faith in the Force, if one is a Jedi. Perhaps that's something close to the same.
[Quiet learners are sometimes the best, though; Fiona doesn't call him out on his odd phrasings, and that's probably for the better, really. Obi-Wan doesn't mind it. Though there's nothing much in the way of actual confirmation, he still remains fairly confident that she's probably picked up on some part of it. A little faith gets you a long way, and he's worked with her before besides. Quiet and quick--the best sort of learners indeed.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org The offer wasn't made upfront, in my case. Someone asked me for help and I agreed to lend a hand. Then they asked me what I wanted later, but I don't want anything. I'm not very good with possessions I don't need.
[Half-truth. A planet is a sorry price to pay for anything, even if you could ask for anything at all. Much less, well--]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org You think so, though? I'd find that rather peculiar. It seems a bit of a convoluted way to bring death upon oneself, when it's generally so easy to come by already...
[It's probably polite to play ignorant. And anyway, she's not sure
her memories of the films are true to the details his life. The Obi-Wan
from the movie was a tired old man.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
oh they tricked u? they tricked me 2 i thought i was
talking 2 a homeless guy
[Probably polite, yes--probably for the better, too. Doubtless the communicators might have tried to block something, otherwise, and that would probably be awkward for everyone involved. (But Fiona, you're mistaken--he's already a tired old man............)]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org 'Superpowers'? [Well, that's a first.] No, I don't think so...the Force is neither mine nor a particularly superb power. Tremendous, yes--but not in my hands, I'm afraid.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org I guess 'tricked' would be one way to put it. It would seem neither of us are alone in this, however. I have been told our recruiters have quotas to meet but consent to gain--perilous mixture, that.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org I suppose. But no amount of bang lessens the pain for those they leave behind, I've found--and so I guess I find it difficult to understand, myself. Still, it's true that everyone has their own reasons.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
Ah, I see. This is also true, if one looks at it like that. And with this being said...then, do you regret making your decision so quickly after all, in retrospect?
[Not that he's touching that second bit anymore, though. Obi-Wan wouldn't agree it's a good way of looking back at Anakin--it's more like the flat truth. That are no apologies that could be truly made for the deeds of Darth Vader.
But well, no need to specify that or anything....it's for the better.]
no subject
no
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i regret not being around
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
shit that doesnt make sense
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
its complicated i guess. i dont know im not used to this shit
[Which is, in truth, a tacit way of avoiding the weight of the question. She likes talking about this with Obi-Wan-- it's strangely calming, in an awful, painful sort of way-- but she doesn't want to think about the twisted truths of what she just did to herself. She knows the facts; the impact of the event, on the other hand, still seems nebulous, hanging eerily in the air. Fiona isn't eager to pull it down and become crushed by the weight of it.]
[Uh, metaphorically.]
no subject
Well, I'd be surprised if you were! I can't imagine there are very many people that are particularly used to dying and returning.
[Translation: he notices. Not that it's terribly difficult, nor particularly surprising--if anything, the avoidance is quite understandable, and Obi-Wan supposes he ought to reprimand himself a bit for demanding such weight so suddenly. Not everyone here has been fresh from fighting a nebulous war for three years; not everyone here is a fellow Jedi, and it's a thought that aches but must be held onto firmly. That ought not be forgotten.
But he wants to help, too, if there's any way he possibly can. Bone-deep obligation, and in a way that would be a consolation to him in itself--that perhaps he might be able to give someone else out there just a little more direction, despite not being able to do the same for himself. (He's never been very good with communicating about these things, doubtless to the surprise of many. He's only realized this distressingly recently. But working on it is very difficult.)]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
But that does make sense, to me at least. Not being there for those that might need you, when you could have been, and it was your own fault that you weren't--might it be something along those lines? [Isn't that a familiar feeling? But this conversation is no place for relinquishing all of his regrets outright. Pinning it down is enough.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
That's only an expected kind of burden, to come from a choice like this. To be quite honest with you...I suppose I also feel rather the same, at the moment.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
Thinking about what might have been, if I'd not returned after all. ...I put a lot at stake back home, for this test. And even now I still wonder if it was the wisest choice.
[Pause.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
But I also don't think there will be any second chances like this again, in the future. We will simply have to take what we can, from this experience.
no subject
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u would know better than me
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
if they ask us 2 do this again im not going 2 do it like this. im going 2 find another way
[She assumes Obi-Wan will want the same, and thus mentally signs him up for whatever future rigors blue team has in store for them.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
do u think theres nething 2 take from this? im coming up blank
no subject
Certainly something to keep in mind, isn't it? That they might ask us again. ...But yes, I think I agree with you there. My master always told me there is no such thing as an absolute.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
The universe of possibility is simply far too great for there to ever be only two options--there is always a third, somewhere out there. If only one knows where to look.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
He was far better at that than I. I'm not nearly so good at finding the thirds yet...and I couldn't this time. But now we have quite a bit more time, maybe. And a better idea of what to expect.
[Fiona might be assuming, but in this case she does assume right--or well, at the very least, this entire process has not been the most pleasant experience. There's room for improvement, and questioning, and he does fully intend to seek out both in time. And helping fellow blues along the way if he can, Fiona included--that's just as much of an obligation.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
What we can take from this, I think, is that CDC has capabilities well past expectation. Also, that they have very high demands for the position and trust of leadership.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
Whether we should entirely divulge our trust to them, because of this? Well, that would depend on the individual, I think. But we do know what their standards are now. Perhaps we can begin preparing, for future occasions.
no subject
i trust the cdc they make great blackglasses
[It's the closest thing Fiona will get to speaking in code. She has no understanding of espionage or subterfuge beyond movies and tv shows, but she knows, from endless grueling jobs where she was never trusted, the warning signs of being watched. If someone gives you a toy, you better be careful what you do with it.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
there r always lots of options but theres only so many options u can stand u know? no 1 can have it all
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
what do u mean ur master? u werent a slave right?
[Um.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u dont have to answer that im sorry
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
their standards r everything but they say they can give us everything back if we r good
[The deal's too sweet for Fiona's tastes, but she doesn't say it. They make great blackglasses.]
no subject
Funny things, codes.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
Their comm devices are indeed pretty impressive, this is true! They don't come so sleek back home, in such wide distributions as this. Though the visual feeds are still rather wanting.
[Is that also code or is that another statement...maybe one of the above. Maybe a little bit of both.
But oh, what--oh--]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
Slave? Oh, goodness no! I meant--well, I suppose the term can be easy to mistake like that...no need to apologize. But for Jedi, masters are teachers; a term of respect, as it were. My master was Qui-Gon Jinn.
[CLEARING THAT UP A BIT...HASTILY.....he still forgets, how not everyone is at least vaguely familiar with Jedi ways here. Something else to keep better track of, he supposes.
Anyway.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
But you're right--a single person surely can't carry out all the options possible. Once one is picked the others must go to the wayside, after all. It's the selection you perceive that matters most, I think. If you don't think it's an option, it surely won't be.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
And oh, do they indeed promise anything? I never really got a rundown on an actual offer directly...not terribly surprising, though. I suppose some might think death to be quite worth the exchange.
[Benefits of text: tone is a bit more difficult to pick out, and easy to interpret in different ways--enough so to be a code in itself, in a way. He might be genuinely musing, he might be sarcastic; but it's impossible to really tell. Not to worry, Fiona, we'll show you how to make this an artform yet.]
no subject
[Hm.]
[It's probably nothing.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
shit sorry. that makes more sense. he taught u everything?
[Fiona takes a moment to envision something that looks suspiciously like the set of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u really believe in that follow ur heart stuff?
[And then the communication goes odd again, and she puzzles at it. She reads it twice, three times before she can pick out the meaning, abstractly diagramming the sentence out for pieces of meaning.]
[...She's making this up in her head, she's tired and she's being silly.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i thought they promised everybody something. i wouldnt b surprised if they promised somebody death
no subject
No need to apologize, it's true I didn't specify. I forget...but well, yes. Maybe not everything, but certainly a lot of things. A far better teacher than I could ever hope to be.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
'Follow my heart stuff'? Well, I'm not so sure about that, but one must certainly have a great deal of faith in the Force, if one is a Jedi. Perhaps that's something close to the same.
[Quiet learners are sometimes the best, though; Fiona doesn't call him out on his odd phrasings, and that's probably for the better, really. Obi-Wan doesn't mind it. Though there's nothing much in the way of actual confirmation, he still remains fairly confident that she's probably picked up on some part of it. A little faith gets you a long way, and he's worked with her before besides. Quiet and quick--the best sort of learners indeed.]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
The offer wasn't made upfront, in my case. Someone asked me for help and I agreed to lend a hand. Then they asked me what I wanted later, but I don't want anything. I'm not very good with possessions I don't need.
[Half-truth. A planet is a sorry price to pay for anything, even if you could ask for anything at all. Much less, well--]
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
You think so, though? I'd find that rather peculiar. It seems a bit of a convoluted way to bring death upon oneself, when it's generally so easy to come by already...
no subject
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
the force thats like ur superpowers?
[It's probably polite to play ignorant. And anyway, she's not sure her memories of the films are true to the details his life. The Obi-Wan from the movie was a tired old man.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
oh they tricked u? they tricked me 2 i thought i was talking 2 a homeless guy
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
maybe ur trying 2 go out with a bang
no subject
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
'Superpowers'? [Well, that's a first.] No, I don't think so...the Force is neither mine nor a particularly superb power. Tremendous, yes--but not in my hands, I'm afraid.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
I guess 'tricked' would be one way to put it. It would seem neither of us are alone in this, however. I have been told our recruiters have quotas to meet but consent to gain--perilous mixture, that.
FROM: kenobi.obiwan@cdc.org
I suppose. But no amount of bang lessens the pain for those they leave behind, I've found--and so I guess I find it difficult to understand, myself. Still, it's true that everyone has their own reasons.